Beck's:
Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your eyes and beer glasses.  I come before you not to praise Beck’s but to review it.  A bad beer’s legacy lives beyond its life in the bottle; the good found only on their label and name recognition, so be it with Beck’s.  The oft-swayed media hath told you that Beck’s is a beer of the ambitious, the cool, the in-crowd (well, that and Heineken), and if it were true, taste no longer has merit in the popular bar.  Here, under the leave of my laptop and my prior reviews, for my laptop is reliable and so all of my reviews are reliable and true- I come to speak of Beck’s Beer.  It was a sad beer, not of my favorites, a sour flavor with sweet undertones in both nose and mouth and an after taste of rotten Mustelidae (skunk).  But the media says it is ambitious and the media lies.  They have repeatedly sold us that this brew of that beer is best, they hath brought us the best truths that money can buy.   Does Beck’s seem ambitious?  When the arts came calling, Beck’s answered with outspoken labels, but artistic labels a good beer does not make.  You have all witnessed in these reviews now that I have thrice reviewed Beck’s and thrice they have disappointed: is this the new model for hip and good libation?  Here I am to speak of what I know and some of you love this brew and not without cause; and what cause binds you to this beer? Speak!  O judgement! Thou art felled to questionable tastes and men may have lost their reason in this beer’s consumption.  Bear with me oh reader, for my mind is still in the glass before me, and I must pause for a moment till I decide to walk away from it’s remaining contents and save my palate.